Do you ever feel like you have TOO much stuff?
 

      Well I certainly do. In today’s society (especially America) we grow up thinking we need stuff to be happy. We really get our wants mixed up with our needs. People will spend most of their time and money on stuff stuff stuff. Stuff that in the end is not what is truly important in life. We can get so consumed in our stuff and materialistic things that we forget what is really important in life. 

Jesus said… “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” -Luke 12:15

   Consumerism really is not a fulfilling way to live life. It will in the end consume YOU and make you and those you love pretty miserable. Material things do not and will not last forever. They are not worth more than Love or another person. Stuff is just stuff. 

There is nothing wrong with hobbies were you collect things, it’s okay to buy things that you need and maybe a little extra so long as you feel it is under control and doesn’t become compulsive. I have struggled with this just as I’m sure most of us do. 
      My favorite part about going to the grocery store has always been browsing the clearance sections. I mean if it’s marked down and is incredibly cheap why not right? But that stuff can really add up… you can end up buying more food than you can eat before it goes bad, buying stuff you will only use maybe once then store away and forget about, you can end up buying so much stuff that you use all of your storage space to store that stuff and then still have stuff everywhere! 
I used to love finding candles and other trinkets in the clearance section it would make me feel good, but that good feeling you get from a great buy or buying stuff you “need” is only temporary. 
    Once that feel good high is gone you will once again find yourself browsing clearance sections and sales papers looking for the next great deal to try to get that happy feeling again. This is a very destructive and unhealthy cycle that will only stop when you either have filled your home with so much stuff you are swimming in it, or you have spent all your money, or you see what you are doing and stop.
     Lately I have been realizing how much I do not need this stuff… I am realizing that stuff is not what my family needs. Stuff only brings you temporary happiness, then that same stuff that made you feel so good to buy and use for a little while becomes meaningless to you and is tossed aside with all the rest of your junk.
     Now when I go to the store I have a plan. I write a list and stick too it, and even then I ask myself “Do we really need this? Will we eat it before it goes bad? Will we use it more than once a year?” This tactic has already cut the cost of buying groceries in half. I still will browse the clearance section, but again I am prepared, I only buy it if we need it. Period. Sometimes it is hard… but then I say to myself “Why is this so hard? It’s just stuff? We can’t afford more junk anyway!”
    I am still working on my materialistic ways… I think it is a way of living many of us have fallen in to and consider acceptable and normal. We need to remember that God calls us to not be of the world…

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

- Romans 12:2

    We are currently trying to weed through all of our stuff that has taken over all our closets and attic space. Clothes, nick-naks, junk, stuff that “might” be useful, toys, odds and ends, and did I already say toys?? Cause our little tot has WAY too many toys. I never intended to raise him this way but he has so many toys that he gets overwhelmed by them and wants nothing to do with them at times, he instead plays with things like dirt, junk mail, pots and wooden spoons, potatoes (don’t ask) and of course our stuff that we don’t want him in. 
   Over the next couple of months we will be getting rid off all or well at least MOST of the stuff we really don’t need or don’t use. In the mean time I will not be bringing or allowing anymore stuff into this nest! This nest is too weighed down and is about to fall right outta the tree it’s resting in! My goal is to live life simply, full of adventure, and focused on what is really important. Here are a few bible versus that are helping me remember my goal.

What the Bible says about having to much stuff and materialism…

19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; 20but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

-Matthew 6:19-21

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

-Hebrews 13:5

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

-Matthew 6:24

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

- Timothy 6:10

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

- Matthew 16:26

Jesus said… “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” -Luke 12:15

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

- 2 Corinthians 9:7

“If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God, that your brother may live beside you. You shall not lend him your money at interest, nor give him your food for profit. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt to give you the land of Canaan, and to be your God.

-Leviticus 25:35-38 

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? 28And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, 29yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

-Matthew 6:25-33

It’s been about a year since I have posted anything on here…

   My husband continues working at country wide promotions, and it is going well. We still live in Macon, but we are moved out of our cozy little apartment into a bit larger cozy log cabin with a big yard; which I have already taken advantage of by starting a little garden.
   Caspian continues to grow, his 1st Christmas and 1st birthday has come and gone. He is now 21 months old and just had his 2nd Christmas and his 2nd birthday is approaching. I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by. He not only can walk and talk now… he can run, dance, sing, shout, and even use the potty sometimes. He is such a little adventurer constantly exploring and learning new things, and as he learns I learn too.
   We started going to a new church early this past summer. I met a fellow stay at home mom at a park named Jeanne. She invited us to her church and told us that there were LOTS of stay at home moms who went there and even got together and went to the park sometimes with their kids.
  I was so excited to hear this! I honestly thought I was part of a dying breed of mothers… I felt so alien… but when I decided to go to this church and Jeanne Harrison was there to great me with a bright and kind smile. She showed me around and introduced me to everyone. I felt so welcome and soon made friends with several other stay at home moms, and working moms, and new moms, and old moms, and women who looked forward to being moms.
   New City church is a melting pot, so many different people from all sorts of walks of life go there. It is amazing. We fit right in, because there is a place for everyone and anyone there. Caspian loves it because there are so many other kids there. David and I love it because there are so many people our age there that we can relate to, music is awesome, the sermons are meaningful and down to earth, and this church actually makes a point to reach out to people, and to make a difference. To do what Jesus called the church as a whole to do.
   We are part of a missional community which meets regularly to discus sermons, to plan outreach, and to fellowship. Caspian and I also meet with other mom’s on Thursdays to hang out and discuss whatever book the group is reading at the time, talk about everyday “mom stuff”, and let the kids play together. I have never had so much support as I do now. I have never realized how much purpose I have as I do now. It has helped not only me but our family as a whole going and being a part of this church. The friends I have made there are wonderful women of God, they have encouraged me to be a better wife and a better mom. David has also made friends and they have given him advice and encouragement, which has helped him to be a better leader in our family.
  God has been using us in ways I would have never of guessed a year ago…
It has been hard at times, but wonderful at others. I do not regret one bit following God’s plan for me, for our family. I know on my own I could never hope to accomplish what I can and have with God.
   I am still so amazed at where we are today compared to were we were 3 years ago from today… If I had not trusted Him and His plan for me, I just can not imagine were I would be now. I am so glad I just went ahead and trusted Him… I said “Okay God, I’m going to do things Your way”.. I had no idea then that by doing so God would bless me to the extent He has today…
  I am blessed with a husband who is my best friend and someone I look up to. I love him deeply and look forward to the rest of our life together.
  We are blessed with Caspian, who is our joy… we have a family of our own now, something I have always yearned for growing up in such a broken one.
  I had no idea God would bless me with true friends, or with a place to call home, and that He would use me the way he has… I had never felt useful before, I always felt so purposeless. Now I know with Him, I have purpose.
  A lot has happened this past year, there were some hard and tiring times, there were tears and anger… but there was even more laughter and joy. Over all it has been a great year full of adventure and new experiences. God has been working in our little family of three. We are more stronger, and closer than ever… and it is all thanks to Him.

So my husband got a new job at the end of September. We had to move cause it was 3 and a half hours away. It was pretty much the same as his old job except better. It is a screen printing company that makes custom t-shirts, sweatshirts, and more. David’s job is to create designs and artwork on the computer and get them ready to be printed onto the shirts. The company he works for a lot more stable and he makes more also, and we found a really nice place to live also. It really has been a big change for us, especially me since I’ve lived in the country for the last 7 years… but it still has been a positive change for us.
    We are in a really nice location. There is a wooded area around all the town houses here and there is a little creek that runs through the woods and deer occasionally come to drink from it from what we hear, we haven’t seen one yet but David’s parents did on their way out from visiting us one day. 
    The town house we are living in is nice, it has 2 bedrooms and has 1 and a half bathrooms. We have stairs that we have to be careful of since Caspian (who is almost 8 months now) is crawling and climbing pretty good now. The kitchen is a nice size and they painted all the rooms and replaced the carpet downstairs and the floor in the kitchen before we moved in so it is pretty nice. We did bring our pet birds with us (four cockatiel) they are very happy in there new home, we have them by the sliding glass so they can look out at nature and other birds. We also have a balcony, it faces the woods so it is a nice relaxing place to sit down and enjoy nature, it is nice and private. I have been having fun getting settled in and decorating and arranging things. Getting my nest all set!
    Caspian and I enjoy going to the Publix here and the Kroger’s to do our grocery shopping, and we enjoy going to the library that is nearby and also going to the BIG library downtown… it is 3 stories tall! The 3rd floor is a huge children’s section, they have a few shelves with board books that Caspian likes to pick out and look at. It also has a story time area where they do hand puppet shows, I took Caspian to see it twice so far and he loved seeing all the little kids and the puppets. They were doing pumpkin themed stories since it is Halloween time. I suspect this week will be about turkeys… The 2nd floor of the library is all adult and young adult books, with a computer section and a comfy reading section. They even have a section that is just for manga, graphic novels, and other comic books! (very excited about that! ^_^) They have a very large selection of books and I have been enjoying picking out and reading them.
    We also enjoy strolling around the block were we live and enjoying the nice fall weather. Caspian likes to sit out on the balcony with me and likes to look around at all of the trees, watch the birds, and likes to ring the wind chimes I have hanging up, and to play with my plants (even though that is a “no no” haha)
    Caspian has grown so much the past few months, he has learned so much, he learned how to crawl the week we moved in (Oct 1 -5) and is getting better each week. He can pull himself up into a standing position all by himself now, and he experiments with a bunch of different baby sounds, and “talks” to us a lot more. He even looked like he was trying to dance sort of… one night when we had some music playing, he saw David kind of dancing a little and Caspian copied him… he was in his play pin standing up and started swaying back and forth and bobbing his head to the beat. It was so precious!  He does a lot of silly things too and is a joy to have in our lives, he makes our hearts smile! He is growing so fast, its hard to remember how tiny he used to be. I told him that he better stop growing up! But he just won’t listen hahaha!
    David has the weekends off so we get to have a lot of family time. We have been having fun exploring Macon on the weekends, there is a lot to do here, there are some Indian Mounds here in Macon, we went and explored them last weekend. It is a huge park and they have a museum, it is all free so it is a nice place to go and not have to spend money. The museum there has a lot of cool Indian artifacts, Caspian liked looking at all the Indian stuff and being strolled around outside in his stroller on the trails.
    We also have been trying a couple different churches out on Sundays. We have found one we like that is just 3 minutes away. It is a really nice church, it isn’t to big and the pastor and his wife are really nice people. Caspian enjoys going to the nursery there while we are in church. We probably will look around just a little more at churches, but we are pretty happy with this one so far.
   So we are pretty excited and hopeful of our future, things are looking really good for us, and we are all really happy here. God, as always, worked everything out just right. He has truly blessed us!

I really wish I had a friend to talk to right now. Some one close.. but I don’t really have anyone right now. All my friends and family are far away or busy with their own lifes. So I’m just gonna have to hang in there, stay strong. God has always been there for me when others haven’t, surely he will be here for me now.
My husband and I are actually doing pretty good right now despite our circumstances, instead of freaking out or getting all stressed we have been pretty calm about everything. We sat down and made some decisions, and made some plans… we have pretty much made a silent agreement that we are not going to worry about all of this, we are going to stay calm, trust in God, and work together to get through this. So far we are keeping a positive attitude about all of this. Things are going to be hard for a while until he finds work again, but we will make it. I will admit am worried but I’m more worried about what will happen to the house we are in and the land it’s on.. the land has been in our family for well over 100 years.. hopefully we can find someone else in our family to live here if we end up moving, if not our family may end up losing the land. But there isn’t much I can do about that. Hopefully God will help work that out.
I am kind of excited at the idea of moving to somewhere new (if we have to) going somewhere else to live would be an adventure ^_^… it would be nice to see more of the world… I’ve been living in the middle of no where for quite some time now and am more than ready to stretch my wings out. These are not the circumstances I was hoping for but I plan on making the best of them. Life is too short to not live every day to it’s fullest. I want to create beautiful moments with my family, go on as many adventures as possible, and I want to just be happy.
We could easily let this situation bring us down, or we could choose to be positive about it. You are always gonna have your bad days, but it’s your choice to move on, your choice to let go and embrace all that is good in your life and not dwell in the bad. Life is what you make of it, and I plan to make it as amazing as possible with a little (more like a lot of) help from my family, and God.

I am a child of God

I am a new creation

I am created in God’s image

I am a coheir with Christ

God has prepared good works for me to do

I am trying really hard to remember this right now, it can be so hard when things are so crazy. I am trying my best to stay strong and remember God is there for me. I just need to focus on his good works for me… like being a good mom and a wife.

Things will work out eventually. At least I really hope they do… *sigh* this too shall pass right??

I pray God will bring me some peace of mind soon, I really don’t think I can take much more, I have so much going on right now, way to much… or at least it feels that way.

I just need to remember that God has a plan for me and that He never gives us more than we can handle. I just need to remember that I’m not alone, He is here for me, always.

  I recently was reading old messages between me and some of my friends, I was kind of shocked at myself. It was like I was reading another person’s words not mine… some stranger’s. In the messages I was so angry and bitter and at times hateful toward the people who had wronged me… I was so very sad, I guess having your heart broken will do that to you…

  It just reminded me of how I used to be in a very dark place. I felt so hurt and alone… I had my walls up all around me, trying to hide my brokenness, but it was just to much to contain inside of me and it often leaked out. My walls had a giant “KEEP OUT” sign nailed to it…. I would push people away… I didn’t want to risk being hurt all over again.

 Some very amazing people in my life refused to just “leave me alone” like I told them to. My amazing cousin Leacy Maria, who is like a sister to me, my wonderful Mom, and God.. the only Father I have ever really had. They believed in me, even though I didn’t, they showed me there was still hope, when I couldn’t see it.

 I remember crying myself to sleep many nights. One night I had been crying out in my sleep, I woke up and found my mom siting next to me holding me, silently stroking my head, while I feel back asleep. She was there for me, she was my best friend. Even though I often pushed her away.

  In one of the messages I wrote to my friend, I was so angry at someone who had hurt me… I was bitter. I wished that they would feel all the pain they had caused me… I wished they would cry just as many tears as I had. The truth is I missed them but was still hurt and didn’t want to have anything to do with this person. I look back at how I felt then and feel horrible… awful. I should never have wished that kind of pain on someone else. It was awful of me to say such things. I don’t think I ever truly meant it, at least not completely. I was saying it out of anger. I actually hope only the best for that person. I really do. They deserve happiness.

  In all of that pain, heart ache, and darkness I learned that if it’s possible for one person to be hurt by another, then it’s possible for that person to be healed by another. (that is totally a fruits basket quote!) I was broken then… my heart was crushed… it really did feel that way… the pain was so great that I could barely breathe at times… but one day I woke up. I realized no one would be able to help me if I wouldn’t help myself. I couldn’t just wait for some knight and shining armor to come and sweep me off my feet. I was gonna have to pick myself up and start taking steps forward and not look back.

And so I did. I occasionally would make the mistake of looking back and what I saw would make my heart sore but I then looked away and continued on my journey. And that’s when I found that I had people all around me that had loved me all along. I wasn’t as alone as I had thought I was, and it wasn’t long after all this that I met the wonderful knight in shining armor I am married to now.

  So here I am today. A much happier, less angry, and not so bitter me. I am changed, I am a different person. The old me is indeed a stranger… and I plan on keeping it that way. I know now what true lasting love is:

   Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance….. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, 13 

     The last couple years of my life have been full of change and surprises… David and I met by pure chance. We had both just been dumped by our ex’s and were heart broken. I was still sore from the break up and was curious if I had it in me to move on… so I made a profile on a Christian dating site. I spent an hour setting it up, then browsed through the sea of faces… then someone by the name of “Zoogybear” started talking to me. It did make me feel good to have someone interested in getting to know me.. but after 6 hours of being on the site I felt like it was all stupid.. I mean what are the chances of meeting your true love on a dating site? What are the chances you would find the one you were going to marry and have children online? So I deleted my profile after only having been on there less than a day.      

    Zoogybear did have a name though… David Zoellick, he sent me an email, saying that he would really like to get to know me. So what did I do? I ignored him of course! I didn’t know who this guy was!! What if he was some sort of creep?! Well, after 2 weeks of ignoring David Zoellick’s request to talk more, and creeping on his Facebook and Myspace page… I mentioned him to my Mom who then demanded to read the two messages he sent to me. Then she suddenly got excited and said “You should talk to him!” and my response was “What?! No way! Mommmm! I can’t talk to him now… I’ve ignored him for 2 weeks he probably hates me now…”

    My mother then laughed and proceeded to convince me I had a chance with this David Zoellick, who from what I could see from his Facebook and Myspace pictures resembled that of a Archangel… she also said if nothing else I might gain a friend so why not?
   Yeah… so why not…. alright! I’ll do it I’ll message him back… yeah!

    So when I did he was very surprised, he thought he would never hear from me at that point. So we started talking and getting to know each other through messages and letters… then we exchanged numbers one night and I just about exploded with excitement the first time I heard his nervous quiet voice. Then after many nights of staying up late talking on the phone we decided to meet. At that point we were still just friends… but when we saw each other for the first time… when I saw him smile up at me from inside his truck as he pulled in my drive way… I instantly was in love. I never did believe in love at first sight… till that day.

   We took a walk down to the pond on my grandfather’s property and sat on a log by the water. He nervously scooted closer to me saying he was cold… put his arm around me… then he asked me if I would be his girlfriend. I said yes.
  Then after 3 months of dating we found ourselves sitting on that same log by the pond, one of our favorite places to sit and talk by then… he nervously scooted closer to me, and pulled out a tiny box from his coat pocket. He asked me if I would marry him, if I would be his wife. I said yes!
  3 months and a tree house later… we were married near by the tree house David had built for me… cause I had never had one growing up. We had a beautiful wedding, the weather was perfect and we were so happy and excited the day had finally come… the day we become one. Our honey moon at St. George Island was amazing, magical, and full of adventure. Our first days at home as husband and wife were wonderful and I worked hard to fix up our nest.

   A month into our marriage I started feeling sick… I went to the doctor to see if I was pregnant and they said no… but I continued to feel terrible. I figured either I was dieing or I was pregnant. Then after several home pregnancy tests… one day I decided to try one again.. my period was very late… after so many negative results I wasn’t expecting much. I looked down at the special digital pregnancy test… it said “pregnant”… it took a minute to fully realize what it said, I cried and I went from sad to frustrated, to happy, to laughing hysterically and then back to crying! I was a mess, and so was David when I handed him a little box containing the positive pregnancy test. But after we got over the shock, we were excited and happy, and looked forward to meeting our baby… but that happiness was nothing compared to the joy we were filled with when we finally met him… after 9 long loooooooooooong months we were blessed with the most beautiful baby boy, Caspian Benjamin Zoellick. He is now 5 and a half months old, he is growing so fast it is so amazing! He has certainty been a life changer and an inspiration for both of us.

  I have for a very long time now battled the evil dark monster who is known as depression. I have had days were I was so tired of it all, I just wanted to close my eyes and never wake up. I just wanted to disappear, cease to exist. After I married David and when I found out there was a little person growing inside me I was inspired to not give up… I was inspired to fight! I still have my days where depression lurks in and can even seem over whelming at times… but I remember I have a purpose.

  God has a purpose and a plan for me. My job is to be a woman of God, a good wife, and a good mother. Those are my duties, my purpose in life. I know that I have people who love me, who are there for me, and need me. I can not just give up. When it all seems like it is too much I must rely on God, because in Him I have strength. With Him I am the best I can be. And why would I ever want to be less?